Funny Man Eating Peanuts at Bar Image
I fed this kid peanut and he almost died.
I guess some people take No Nut November way too seriously.
my wife's favorite joketo tell
What do you call a peanut with a cold?
Cashew!
she was so proud of herself for making me laugh with this one.
I like my women like I like my peanut butter...
Brown, chunky, and easy to spread.
What's the difference between girls of our generation and peanut butter?
One spreads easily and the other is peanut butter
An old joke I learnt [Clean]
A peanut was stuck on the tracks
His heart was all a flutter
A train came down the track
*Choo Choo!*
Peanut butter.
Mommy...
A little girl comes home from school and her mother asks how her day was. The little girl told her mom That she had found out something new. Her mother asked what it was and the girl replied
"Johnny showed me his pee-pee today and it reminded me of a peanut."
Of course her mother was disturbed and she decided to go along with the little girl's act to see if it wasn't true.
"What about it reminded you of a peanut? Was it small like a peanut?"
"No, it tasted salty."
Why was the peanut rushed to the hospital?
He was a"salted"
Your Mother and I are like peanut butter and jelly
She spreads and I jam
Last Halloween
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was assaulted
Heard about the peanut that walked through Central Park
It was a salted.
You can explore peanut soybean reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean peanut pecan dad jokes. There are also peanut puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Did you hear about the peanut who was being interrogated?
He finally cracked
Little Johnny's peanut
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won't believe it! Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today! It was like a peanut."
The mom replies, "Oh, it was small?"
Little Sally says, "No, it was salty."
Two peanuts were walking through Central Park late at night.
One was a salted.
"Now little ones, where do children go when they do bad things...?", Mrs Mary asked.
"I know! I know!", Little Johnny said with vigour, " they go behind the bushes in the playground!"
"Please little Johnny, mind what you say"
"Oh its true Mrs Mary!", voiced Susan enthusiastically, "T.J took me there and showed me his Weiner."
The teacher gasped in horror as T.J smiled mischievously.
"Oh, it was like a peanut it was!"
"Hah, so it was tiny?", the teacher relieved, asked.
"No, salty!"
I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.
I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.
.
.
.
.
I'll see myself out.
Why did the peanuts and m&ms decide to eat some trail mix?
Oh, they had their raisins.
Terrible jokes my Dad told me as a kid
Joke 1: How do you know if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The peanut butter has footprints
Joke 2: How do you know if an elephant is in your cherry tree? Elephants have blue eyes
I don't know if this has anything to do with how awful the jokes are, but my Dad immigrated from Germany in the 1960's
I tried the whole Peanut Butter-and-Dick thing with my dog
...but the Peanut Butter just kept sticking to the roof of my mouth.
I like my women like I like my peanut butter
100% nuts
Two Peanuts were Walking though the Park
and one was a salted.
Mr. Peanut was arrested for drunk and disorderly at a local Strip Club
The arresting officer said it wasn't the first time he'd busted a nut in front of a stripper and it wouldn't be the last.
What did the cashew say to the sneezing peanut?
"Yes, what is it?"
I got peanut butter on my camera
Now every picture is a jif
Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.
One of these days, I'm going to go fishing for complements.
I hope I catch some peanut butter and jelly.
What do peanuts have in common with husbands?
If you find them at a bar it means they're free.
What do you call a peanut butter jelly sandwich in Flint MI?
Pb and j
What fish tastes great with peanut butter?
Jellyfish
Today I had an allergic reaction to a peanut...
**This title contains content from FINE BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT who has it blocked on copyright grounds.**
My wife's legs are like the peanut butter I left in the fridge.
Won't spread.
An elderly man was on his deathbed.
A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the funeral!"
I don't like peanut butter...
it just isn't my jam.
What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?
An astronut.
What did the peanut say to his wife before he left?
I'll be back in a jiffy
Dad, is that dog over there a wiener dog?
Son, with enough peanut butter every dog is a wiener dog.
Why was the peanut so salty?
Because it got R O A S T E D
What do you get when a dyslexic tries to make a gif?
Peanut Butter.
Two Peanuts were walking down a dark alley.
One was a salted.
Oil
If:
Peanut oil is made from peanuts.
Olive oil is made from olives.
Corn oil is made from corn.
Then:
What is baby oil made from?
What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp testicles that's covered in Reese's Pieces?
A peanut butter bee-nut putter.
A comedian walks to the stage
Comedian: let's do a white racist joke
Us whites like the same things
We like the same sandwich: peanut butter and-
Audience: JELLY!
Comedian: we like the same chips.
Salt and vi-
Audience: NEGAR
How do you put spaghetti to sleep?
You cover it in peanut butter until it dies.
My 4 year old made that up, along with a few others. Not sure how I feel about this.
Peanut butter was driving his toast when suddenly...
..there was a jam
Have you heard of the peanut butter song?
It's my jam.
Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted
What fish tastes best with peanut butter?
A jellyfish
As an American, I'm surprised by how unpopular cream cheese and peanut butter are in the rest of the world...
I just thought they would have spread more.
What kind of fish is good with peanut butter?
Jellyfish
M&M's Came out with a Honey Flavor.
They coated the peanuts in the Peanut M&M's with honey.
They called them "Beez Nuts"
A man is sitting on a barstool...
and eating from a bowl of peanuts. But instead of just eating them, he takes one peanut at a time, mutters "You suck!", and then crams it into his mouth. He continues to do this for a while.
Finally, the woman next to him can't contain her curiosity. "Why are you saying that?" she asks.
"I like them roasted."
What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter?
They are both usually in bread.
little Sally--funny adult joke
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.
Peanut allergy
We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting -- they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.
"Mommy, mommy! Little Johnny pulled out his thingy and showed it to me in the tree house!"
Sally's mother gasped, but didn't want to embarrass her. "Well, what did you think?" she asked.
"It reminded me of a peanut."
"You mean it was small?" her mother chuckled.
"No!" said Sally. "It was salty!"
A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten
A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten. The girls gets into the car and says - "Mom, Timmy's wee wee is like a peanut!". The mother laughs and asks "why is it small?". "No" the girls answers, "it's salty"
Ever had to force your dog into taking their medication?
It's the worst, right? You try to cover it with peanut butter, even then they know you're up to something. So it gets kinda physical, have to get in there with both hands and hold them open and push it in with your finger, hoping they don't bite you. Turns into a wrestling match, sometimes. But as it turns out, the trick was we were just using the wrong peanut butter. Ever since we switched to creamy, those suppositories just pop right in.
I bet jellyfish are sad...
that there are no peanut butter fish.
What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common?
They both spread for bread.
I know a guy who thinks he's a peanut shell.
He's a real nutcase.
My dog ate a package of peanut butter cups.
Now he's pooping out Reeses Feces.
I like my women like I like my peanut butter.
To make me swell up and then restrict my breathing.
There Should Be A Brand Of Peanut Butter For Connoisseurs With Discerning Tastes
I'd call it... Peanut Noir.
An Irish peanut farmer recently got married...
His new bride wants to be a part of the family business, and the farmer thinks that's a great idea, so he has her start trucking deliveries into town. A couple days go by, and the farmer's neighbor stops in to see how things are going with the new misses, and the farmer says Well, she just started drivin' me nuts.
What type of fish goes well with peanut butter?
A jellyfish!
Why did the cannibal take a jar of peanut butter to the White House?
He heard there was a giant cheezy cracker in office.
Why are peanuts afraid of going out?
They're afraid of getting a-salted
What did the peanut say when the almond tried to pick a fight with it?
Cashew outside!
Have you heard the rumor about peanut butter?
I don't want to spread it
My mom told me this joke
Donald and Tommy walk into a wedding.
Everyone brings amazing gifts for the couple.
Donald brings a peanut as his gift.
The couple finds this offensive and decides to shove the peanut up Donald's ass.
But then Donald starts laughing.
The couple asks him why he is doing this.
He says 'Tommy brought a coconut for you guys'.
Disclaimer: I replaced the names in this jokes as if I had kept the same names a lot of you might find this offensive.
What did the peanut say to the moon?
Nothing.. Peanuts don't speak..
My 4 year old just told me this joke and I can't stop laughing..
I'm gonna go buy a car shaped like a peanut butter jar
I'll be back in a Jif
So a peanut walks in on a cashew...
Nuts hanging out.
What kind of Nuts urinates?
A peanut.
What do peanuts wear on their feet?
Cashews
Why should you ask an anti-masker to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Because they are a super spreader!
Two peanuts were walking down the road...
Suddenly a robber jumped out and one was assalted
Why did the man with the peanut allergy die in prison?
He was sentenced to the nuthouse.
What did Mr. Peanut say to Mrs. Peanut as he left the house?
Back in a Jif!
I made a suitcase out of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
It's jam packed.
Almond oil is made by crushing almonds,
Peanut oil is made by crushing peanuts, coconut oil is made by crushing coconuts.
I really feel horrible about all those babies.
What does a stripper and peanut butter have in common.
They both spread for bread.
I was looking for something to eat the other day & I found this Kentucky brand jelly my wife bought.
I tell you it don't matter, even if you put peanut butter on the bread too, you just can't make a decent sandwich with it. Got no taste.
I told her, "Woman, don't buy that KY jelly anymore!"
My 9 year old just told me this joke and I thought I would share
What do you call rich peanut butter?
Jif Bezos
I know someone that was offered a position with the Outside Peanut Corporation…
Come to find out it was a shell company…
Did you hear about the peanut that walked into the police station?
It claims it was a salted.
Two peanuts walk down the street.
One was assaulted.
i once met a guy in a psyche ward who told people he was a jar of peanut butter.
I was told he was pretty nutty
Source: https://jokojokes.com/peanut-jokes.html
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